This article is really disgusting,
but needs to be written. Garden burgers. Power bars. Protein brownies. Bottled
water that makes you thin, young andsmart. And we used to wonder what they put
in Pop Rocks...
These days it's hard for even die-hard foodies to know what they're eating or
drinking. That's because food has changed from something that didn't need a
modifier -- if it walked, swam, flew or grew out of the ground, it was food --
to something that stopped off at Mr. Burns' nuclear plant on the way to your
plate.
Let's call it "foodiness." Like Stephen Colbert's truthiness, which
wasn't about truth, we're not consuming food as much as we're consuming an
edible manufactured doppelganger designed to look and taste like food, but
isn't actually food: like veggie puffs with no vegetables; fruit bars with no
fruit; like goldfish crackers with no goldfish.
And now, below, a look at some typical foodiness ingredients that are packaged,
flavored and presented as food.
1. Butane
Turns out butane isn't just for lighters anymore - it's also
an artificial antioxidant that they put it in chicken nuggets to keep them
"fresh" tasting. Woohoo! So instead of your chicken nuggets being
fresh, butane keeps them "fresh." Eating butane probably wasn't what
you had in mind last time you got the munchies and ordered those
nuggets, which would be bad enough without the lighter fluid in 'em! Try some homemade chicken wings instead, for fuel-free food.
Found in: Frozen, packaged or pre-made processed foods with long shelf
lives such as frozen meals, crackers, chips, cereal bars and fast food.
2. Estrogen
Regular
milk is full of hormones used by the milk industry to keep the cows knocked up
and lactating all year round. Sound gross? It is. So when you drink regular
milk you take a shot of hormones with it. And all you wanted was a bowl of
cereal!
Found in: Almost ALL non-organic dairy, so organic is recommended.
3. Spinach Dust
Think that green sheen on your veggie snacks is giving you
your daily serving of vegetables? Think again. That's just powdered spinach
dust, which is spinach that has been dehydrated and sucked dry of its
nutritional value. So the upshot is that green sheen is about as nutritious as
actual dust...in fact, soylent green is healthier!
Found in: "Healthier" vegetable flavored snack foods.
4. Propylene Glycol – Commonly called ANTIFREEZE!
Believe
it or not, antifreeze isn’t just used in cars any more. It is found in pills,
cosmetics, deodorant, moisturizer... and food! It keeps your car from freezing
over, your moisturizer moist, and your fat-free cookie dough ice cream creamy,
smooth and juicy. If it's good enough for your SUV it's good enough to eat,
right? Right?? WRONG!
Found in: Cake mix, salad dressings, low-fat ice creams and dog food.
5. Wood Pulp: Vanillin
Vanillin,
which is a byproduct of the pulp industry, is used as an artificial vanilla
flavor. Ester of wood resin, which comes from pine stumps, is in
citrus-flavored sodas to keep the citrus flavor evenly distributed through the
can. “Honey, can I have some EXtra wood pulp in mine?”
Found in: Artificially flavored yogurt, baked goods, candy and sodas
6. Castoreum
Here’s one you’ll definitely want to
remember…Castoreum. Castoreum comes out of a beaver's ummm, well…butt! It is
extracted from their anal glands and is used to make artificial raspberry
flavoring. What? Try not to think about that next time you order the diet raspberry
tea…butt tea anyone?
Found in: Artificially raspberry flavored products such as cheap ice
cream, Jell-O, candy, fruit-flavored
drinks, teas and yogurts.
As food shortages become globally more and more real we will see more and more
weird stuff in our ‘food’. My answer? Start your own home garden…in the back
yard, a window sill…anywhere you can fit a pot! And the next time you see a
beaver, just wink at him…you’ve already been fairly intimate with his brother…yuck!
Eat healthy people!
